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Engagement Sucks:Three Reasons Why

Dani Austin Why Engagement Stinks

I bet you didn’t expect to hear that engagement sucks from me, huh?

Dani came into my life when I was twenty-four and she was just twenty-two.

I was a twenty-four year old Chief Marketing Officer for a tech company out of Austin. She ran in the same circles in college but just two years behind me. I discovered her as I am sure many of you did. I absorbed the spirit of this wonderful human being from her vulnerability displayed on the internet every single day, at that time, to a much smaller crowd. She was stunning, but had self-esteem built up in something so much more.

I ABUSED MY POWER TO MEET DANI AUSTIN. I coordinated a photoshoot and asked her to be part of it. Sure, our company needed it, but we could have lived without it. Don’t give a twenty-four year old a budget. If you do, then expect for him to act with just a little bit of self-interest to push a personal agenda. In my case, that agenda was an elaborate plan to meet someone cute in the most inconspicuous way.

THAT WAS MY FIRST DAY WITH DANI AUSTIN. She became a friend. She became a best friend. She became a girlfriend.

I never knew the journey that would follow. Our lives were filled with adventure. We went to New York Fashion Week. We met Iris Apfel, who became a dear friend. We traveled to beaches and mountains and far away places. My nature resisted every bit of discomfort but her thirst for life kept me chasing her. Dani chased her dreams and I chased her. I chased my dreams and she chased me. I loved the chase. Life was a game and we were on the same team.

THEN SHE BECAME MY FIANCE. I wanted that day to be the start of our forever, but it almost became the end of it. The life that once was a grand adventure became the perfect storm. When I slid the ring onto her hand, I wanted to be at the destination. I explained that we could elope. I wanted to continue the adventure as one. I wanted to be teammates and keep laughing and crying through life together. I wanted to keep struggling and striving and falling in love daily. We were best friends and we had so much hope. We could keep the party going.Dani Austin Why Engagement Stinks

boyfriend jeans outfit dani austin Dani Austin Why Engagement Stinks Dani Austin Why Engagement Stinks

Pink Sweater (XS) // Bralette // Boyfriend Jeans // Sneakers //

I was naive to believe this could be in light of the nightmare that is engagement.

EN·GAGE·MENT
noun

1. a formal agreement to get married.

2. an arrangement to do something or go somewhere at a fixed time.

3. the action of engaging or being engaged.

4. a fight or battle between armed forces.

There are a number of ways to look at the act and definition of engagement. I think the majority of us look at it with rose-tinted lenses and imagine it as a montage of beautiful moments with a great upbeat soundtrack. Cake tasting, families coming together, planning a future together, anticipation, excitement, butterflies, and roses. Most of us look at engagement as definition one through three. I did too. But let me tell you that our engagement became more of definition four. A fight between two armed and opinionated forces.

I am about to reveal something that is rarely discussed or talked about here.

ENGAGEMENT SUCKS. I am going to share with you the top four difficult areas of engagement:

PATIENCE: Dani and I are both very action-oriented individuals. When we want something we are going to go out there and get it. We like to act fast and do not believe in procrastination. The instant gratification of seeing a dream or idea come to life has conditioned us to both be quite impatient people. When I made up my mind and vowed to love Dani Austin forever on the rooftop with our families I wanted to do that now. I wanted all of the joys that I see in marriage with my best friend and I wanted them now. I did not account for a ten-month speed bump in between. In fact, I wanted to just elope. Engagement is a necessary process of delayed satisfaction that will enforce on you the virtue of patience. For some it will be a period of patience in buying versus renting, in career growth, in controlling tempers or frustrations, in patience with people like in-laws, and more. Patience will root itself in you during this period and I tend to believe that God designed it that way because it is an extremely necessary skill for marriage. For us it also prolonged physical intimacy that I quite frankly want ASAP. Sue me for wanting to pounce on this hottie on the daily.

WEDDING PLANNING: I personally hate ceremonies. I have just never seen the value in them. I skipped my high school graduation because I graduated early. I skipped my college graduation because of traffic. My rationale is that we should be celebrating and flexing gratitude for small victories on what we are trying to accomplish daily instead of one momentous occasion. This is entirely personal preference, and to be fair, I haven’t met too many others that share this quirk. But when I mentioned eloping immediately after engagement I was not kidding. Wedding are expensive and logistically very difficult. There are so many moving pieces and I had always heard that brides and grooms barely could even eat during them. I did not want to plan it because I made my vow on that LA rooftop. But I have also learned that you cannot take away a day that most women dream of their entire lives. It was an easy concession but a harder task to follow through with. Wedding planning is filled with teachable moments. It is a series of character challenges that present themselves as small decisions. She likes this cake, I like that cake. How do we make a decision without escalation? Is this something really worth fighting all Friday night for? Wedding planning will take you through a journey of understanding how the other processes decisions and the differences in what you value in an experience or life. Heck, you will even assess who you both want to be in your life for the long-haul through something horrible called a guest list. As a couple you will have to work through small things and I am a believer it prepares you for the big ones that are inevitably going to come in this life.

FINANCES: Weddings are very expensive endeavors and so is planning your life with someone. Maybe you are deciding on a downpayment. Maybe you have to pay for the wedding itself. Maybe you are thinking about new furniture. Maybe just one of you works and the other doesn’t. There are so many questions when it comes to assuming the responsibility for someone else for richer or for poorer. Going into engagement you have two of everything. You have two leases probably, two bank accounts, two health insurance policies, etc. But engagement is a process of merging all of these two into one. It doesn’t just snap together as if it were meant to be. You have to put it together like a puzzle. Similar to cake tasting, you have to question why nail appointments are important or why your daily coffee fix can’t be done at home instead of your spot. There are differing opinions on what is important and valuable to the other. As engagement goes on, I become increasingly more thankful for the ten month period that I once hated. It has helped us to build budgets together, often line by line. It has allowed for us to slowly merge our accounts and really define our financial goals. With one of the main causes for divorce being financially based I would cherish the slow and prayerful process of managing your money together.

EXPECTATION: Speaking of divorce I was reading that the rate is over fifty percent today in the U.S. That is outrageously high. I’m not here to diagnose every societal woe that goes into that epidemic but I can speak about a large contributing factor called expectation. This is the final point that I want to close on. The expectations that we have of another person. The expectation that we have for the home we will live in. The expectation of income. The expectation we have for ease. The expectation we have for chores. The expectation that we have for life. Most of these expectations lurk deep within our subconscious and are not known by ourselves, much less our spouse. They may have been created by how we were raised, past relationships, or the environment we were raised in. When our expectation for life does not come to fruition, the first person that we will turn to blame is our spouse. That is what the divorce rate tells me. Engagement is a period to “find the foxes”, those sneaky subconscious ideals or expectations that we believe our spouse will fulfill. Instead of expectation, practice gratitude. Expectation is taking inventory of what you do not have. Gratitude is taking inventory of what you do have. Use engagement to learn gratitude and put to death the expectation that will be the thief of your joy. In doing so I bet your expectations are either met or redefined nearly entirely.

There were times within engagement when I wondered what happened to the twenty-two year old Dani that had the thirst for life that I fell in love with. I thought God was using the logistics, the stress and strain, the financial pressure, and the decisions to break us. But he was using it to protect us. He was putting us through a time to prepare us for a life of selflessness to one another. He was disrupting my expectations so that I could truly have joy with this wonderful soul he brought to me. Engagement will put everything that you know to the test. You will be stretched and challenged. You will have to flex muscles you have either never worked or have not in a long time. But each step of the way God is preparing and purposefully crafting a story that starts on your wedding day. A day all about two becoming one.

For better or worse, for richer or poorer, or in sickness and in health I am sticking with my girl.

Thanks, engagement.

Jordan Joseph Ramirez

Dani Austin Why Engagement Stinks

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77 Comments

  • Reply
    Ashley
    January 17, 2018 at 2:01 pm

    This is so sweet! Jordan is such a great writer, and he makes some really good points. Definitely saving this to refer back to when I get to that season of life.
    Congratulations Dani and Jordan!

    • Reply
      Carlie
      January 17, 2018 at 11:35 pm

      I’m doing exactly that! Saving this for when that season comes!

  • Reply
    Sarah
    January 17, 2018 at 5:12 pm

    Loved how real this post was!!! Thank you for sharing! Dani you have a keeper on your hands! Going to make my boyfriend read this tonight!!

  • Reply
    Leia
    January 17, 2018 at 5:13 pm

    This was so well said! Bookmarking these truths for a later date. Thanks to you both for being a healthy and honest model of courting and marriage.

  • Reply
    Meagan
    January 17, 2018 at 5:16 pm

    This post was amazing Jordan! So well written! You & Dani are such an inspiration & you just talked about and brought attention to something most people either don’t think of or wouldn’t talk about, so thank you!!

  • Reply
    Sierra
    January 17, 2018 at 5:18 pm

    Ah soooo accurate. I felt guilty for almost not enjoying our engagement period. Looking back it’s a bittersweet time. We were also not big on ceremonies or big ordeals, we were ready to elope and just start our lives together, but our FAMILIES wanted us to have a wedding. There’s also a huge social pressure to have a wedding too. We decided to have a wedding and just be really simple and keep it lo key as we could, and it was pretty chill. I’m glad we had a wedding but looking back, both is us still say we should have eloped and saved that money for our future home or even enjoyed it on our honeymoon lol.

  • Reply
    Andi
    January 17, 2018 at 5:23 pm

    This is so well written! The love you two have for each other is beautiful, can’t wait for you guys to get married ?

  • Reply
    Erica
    January 17, 2018 at 5:23 pm

    So beautifully written and so true! I wish this would’ve been around while we were engaged. We had almost a 2 year engagement (because of school) and the end of it, with all the wedding planning, almost broke us. But after reading this and looking back, it really did make us so much stronger. Thank you for the wonderful read! I’m going to be sharing it with all my new engaged friends (it’s that time of the year, you know)!

  • Reply
    Tiana
    January 17, 2018 at 5:26 pm

    Yesssss this engagement period is a STRUGGLE. My fiancé and I have been engaged for five months and it is tough at times. The part about expectations really resonated with me. Thanks so much for this post!

  • Reply
    Amber Upton
    January 17, 2018 at 5:31 pm

    Sooooo I’m OBSESSED with this article. I’m a (new) military spouse and we always felt quite hound and in love during dating periods. Then hit the long distance + and engagement. IT WAS HORIFFIC. I often asked God why is this engagement process not what I thought it would be. Instead it was me facing all the ugly things I realize now I had to go through to prepare me for the marriage commitment. Through this time I’m learning the depths at which I can trust God and my new hubby. He learned a lot too about how I’m wired and quicks he brings to the table…… now married &I still distant (until summer YAY!) we are learning so much. More rubber meets the road and less hallmark if you will haha. But I’m so glad you two chose to speak out on this because it is TRUTH. And sharing it builds a community for us to be FREE! Let’s celebrate in the struggle together!! Thanks y’all!

  • Reply
    Meagan
    January 17, 2018 at 5:32 pm

    This post was amazing Jordan!! It was so well written. Thank you for talking about something a lot of people either don’t think of or don’t want to talk about. I love the realness of this post. It is hard to be so vulnerable and true on the internet. I never thought of engagement being a time for reflecting and preparing. I will definitely be referring back to this post when it is my time! 🙂

  • Reply
    Daniella
    January 17, 2018 at 5:33 pm

    I can relate sooo much. My fiancé honestly doesn’t care about the planning. The only way I get an opinion out of him is by asking him directly and not letting go until I get an answer. It’s a headache and beyond expensive and more when the family needs to travel. With the ceremony, you are not alone!! My fiancé asked me with a straight face if I would go to the courthouse instead…umm no lol. He says that the ceremony is pointless to a certain point and that we should not torture our guest with that. “They came for the party and the celebration of our marriage, not for a two-hour ceremony”. He lost that battle, as a lot of guys do, but for me, that’s the beauty of planning the wedding. Finding out if your fiancé wants a DJ or a band, if he wants a black tuxedo or blue because at the end we are the ones getting married and it’s our memory, everyone else is carrying-on bag lol

  • Reply
    Ashley
    January 17, 2018 at 5:38 pm

    I just cried reading these words Jordan wrote about you! He speaks so much truth about the planning process of a wedding! It is God’s test-to test your patience, your love, your commitment, everything! My fiancé and I have discussed a city hall wedding to avoid all the pressure and money constraints weddings create but we know it will be worth it! I can’t wait to marry the love of my life and feel blessed to get to experience life with this wonderful soul, as I am sure you and Jordan are!

  • Reply
    Haylee Miller
    January 17, 2018 at 5:38 pm

    You nailed it!!

  • Reply
    Jenny Vallejo
    January 17, 2018 at 5:40 pm

    OMG I am LOL’ing so hard at this – “For us it also prolonged physical intimacy that I quite frankly want ASAP. Sue me for wanting to pounce on this hottie on the daily.” Jordan cracks me up. I love that he wrote this from his POV. I also hated being engaged. Obviously the first two weeks are the best two weeks of your life, until you ACTUALLY start planning the wedding and then realize that its not a montage of giggles and champagne and tulle and it’s actually a lot of fighting, money managing, and at some point it just stops being about what YOU want and becomes what your FAMILY wants. But Jordan is right. My (now) husband wanted to elope and I wanted to have a wedding. He compromised (by doing what I want, lol) and we had a wedding. Let me tell you, for me, it was not worth it. More than $10,000 spent in ONE DAY for something we could have done by ourselves on a beach somewhere. I think it is worth it for some people but not for everyone. I could talk about this all day, but I just love this post! Nobody talks about how much engagement stinks.

  • Reply
    Maya
    January 17, 2018 at 5:41 pm

    I love this!! Beautifully written. Sometimes we need to acknowledge the raw truth to help us get through a seemingly difficult time.

  • Reply
    Mercedes Martoccia
    January 17, 2018 at 5:42 pm

    Absolutely love this. Good job Jordan!!

  • Reply
    Tori
    January 17, 2018 at 5:46 pm

    Aw this is so well written! Great job Jordan! I personally am not married nor in a relationship yet lol but when that time comes this blog post will deff be a needed reminder!!

  • Reply
    Mariah Robinson
    January 17, 2018 at 5:48 pm

    Absolutely love this and love how Jordan wrote with such ease. I got engaged on November 16, 2017, and although we’re still newly engaged, we’re already finding that we but heads on the smallest of details. And money is a HUGE part of it. I’m wanting our budget to be one thing while my fiancé thinks it’ll be much higher, especially since we live in and are planning to wed in LA (aka the city where money goes to die). But I love that this post was written, because I definitely don’t think this is talked about enough — during the engagement season you’ll have highs and lows and everything in between, but at the end of the day it’s important to remember WHY you wanted to get married in the first place, WHO you are choosing to marry, and HOW you can both honor each other and God in the process.

  • Reply
    Bailey Tyndall
    January 17, 2018 at 5:49 pm

    Right on Jordan! That was a wonderful post. God will bless you both as you wait to become one.

  • Reply
    Mariah Robinson
    January 17, 2018 at 5:52 pm

    Absolutely love this and love how Jordan wrote with such ease. I got engaged on November 16, 2017, and although we’re still newly engaged, we’re already finding that we but heads on the smallest of details. And money is a HUGE part of it. I’m wanting our budget to be one thing while my fiancé thinks it’ll be much higher, especially since we live in and are planning to wed in LA (aka the city where money goes to die). But I love that this post was written, because I definitely don’t think this is talked about enough — during the engagement season you’ll have highs and lows and everything in between, but at the end of the day it’s important to remember WHY you wanted to get married in the first place, WHO you are choosing to marry, and HOW you can both honor each other and God in the process.

  • Reply
    Jenny Tant
    January 17, 2018 at 5:54 pm

    Love love love this!!!

  • Reply
    Jennifer
    January 17, 2018 at 5:56 pm

    Words of wisdom!!! Thank you for sharing! 🙂

  • Reply
    Grace
    January 17, 2018 at 6:02 pm

    This is so great! I’m so glad someone is talking about this. I got engaged in August 2017 and we’re not getting married until October 2018. It’s been a struggle. I have been feeling so guilty about having such different expectations for engagement than it is in reality. It’s not like they show in movies lol but this was great to read, knowing that I’m not the only one feeling this way. Thank you Jordan and Dani for your honesty and openness!

  • Reply
    Abigail White
    January 17, 2018 at 6:14 pm

    Don’t worry Jordan. I liked it a lot. Good job man.

  • Reply
    Amy
    January 17, 2018 at 6:21 pm

    This is perfection! ?

  • Reply
    katie
    January 17, 2018 at 6:26 pm

    Ah! I love this so much! I’ve been engaged for over a year now and totally feel this. It’s totally different, it’s overwhelming and soooo not like what people make it out to be! ha! Saving this and sending it to my fiancé! 🙂

    xo!
    Katie
    http://www.pearlsandtwirls.net

  • Reply
    Carrie Lupton
    January 17, 2018 at 6:33 pm

    This is so well written and so true. While our engagement was not a long one, we had to learn sooo much so quickly. God tested us in crazy ways. When we prayed for patience He didn’t just give us patience.. He gave us opportunities to be patient. The lord really has so much to teach us in engagement and really all throughout marriage. Aus and I are still learning to be patient, vulnerable, and to trust God FULLY. (With every child all of this becomes a little harder for us lol yet He keeps blessing us with more, yikes!) At the end of the day, we are both broken people entirely dependent on Gods grace and love. Two become one to glorify HIM. Y’all will be an amazing team of warriors for Christ!

  • Reply
    Tyri
    January 17, 2018 at 6:36 pm

    Wow! I’m very impressed with this young man and what I’ve just read. I’ve been married for 14, almost 15 years and it is NOT easy, one of the most difficult things you will do. You two have a wonderful foundation. I look back and I was so young and wrapped up in the engagement, I didn’t have near the grounding and fore sight I see in what I just read. Just wow.

  • Reply
    Gracie phelps
    January 17, 2018 at 6:37 pm

    FINALLY someone that talks about the stuff about getting married that isn’t fun! I loved this post and would love to see more from Jordan! I just like when people are real and realistic! Great post!

  • Reply
    Lindsey
    January 17, 2018 at 6:56 pm

    This post is spot-on! I just got married, and I can attest the engagement period of our relationship was not that great, but it tested us so much! God knows what he is doing, that is for sure.

  • Reply
    Jaslyn
    January 17, 2018 at 6:58 pm

    I cried, and cried!!! So happy for you both. And such beautiful words. You both are an inspiration! Wishing you both a lifetime of happiness! P.s Jordan you need to write more blog posts! I love showing my boyfriend a guys perspective on things and this was very well said!

  • Reply
    Bridget
    January 17, 2018 at 7:02 pm

    Awesome post Jordan!! I’m also not getting married yet nor in a relationship but you and Dani are truly great examples of what a beautiful relationship should be. God has totally been preparing both of you for the good, bad, and the ugly but you both will get through it together. Keep God at the center of everything!

  • Reply
    Lexi Burton
    January 17, 2018 at 7:07 pm

    This was an amazing post! I’m so glad you took the time to be honest about the realizations of being engaged. I think everyone should read this before getting engaged!

  • Reply
    Whitney DeVar
    January 17, 2018 at 7:17 pm

    Great post sir! Would love to hear more from your perspective in your marriage journey. Keep up the great work- both of you. ❤️ From Nashville

  • Reply
    Kaitlyn
    January 17, 2018 at 7:31 pm

    SO well written, and honest. Engagement felt smiliar for my now husband and me. I love this post so much.

  • Reply
    Natalie
    January 17, 2018 at 7:32 pm

    Really thought I was the only one who cried this much during an engagement! Thank you for sharing this process with us Dani and Jordan!

  • Reply
    Drew
    January 17, 2018 at 7:35 pm

    AMEN!! MY husband and I had a 2 year engagement ?? it was by far the hardest thing I think I have ever done, but due to some family situations, it was what it was. I could not have said this any better, this is exactly how I felt about engagement!! Thanks for sharing your open and honest thoughts, especially when they are so different than the social norm! Y’all rock!

  • Reply
    Teayah Twine
    January 17, 2018 at 7:41 pm

    Wow!!….i absolutely Loved This!!!…it was real, and it was raw, and it was truth…..Thanks Jordan!….Hope you write on Dani’s Blog more often!! 🙂

  • Reply
    Hillary
    January 17, 2018 at 7:43 pm

    Could not be more accurate!! Especially with extpectations, finances and patience! The struggle is real. And I felt so alone during the engagement period because it seemed like nobody else went thru the same struggles, we were just off on our island of misery wishing we could elope and get it over with. I feel like you touched on so many important things in this post and in my personal experience (engaged for 2yrs2mo; married just over 1 year ?) the expectation and finance portions are key to staying sane, happy, and best friends! I didn’t realize that little things like how his mom arranged the refrigerator growing up would totally collide with how I was used to doing things. It doesn’t sound like a big deal…let me just say that I think the fruit and vegetable drawers should be used for fruits and vegetables. Y’all sound like your on the right path!

  • Reply
    Natalie
    January 17, 2018 at 7:46 pm

    Jordan (and Dani) thank you for your honesty! It’s encouraging to hear from Christian young people being real and honest, even in seasons of struggle! Thank you for using your time/energy encouraging fellow believers and pointing others towards Christ. xoxo

  • Reply
    Maciel
    January 17, 2018 at 7:53 pm

    I loved this! Especially the “expectations” part! So true, and beautifuly written. I know this post will be a blessing to many that are looking towards marriage or even already married.

  • Reply
    Zoe Phipps
    January 17, 2018 at 7:55 pm

    I love this so much! It is so honest, and no one ever talks about the not fun parts of engagement. I sent this to my fiance and he responded with “this is the most real and true thing I have ever read”.

  • Reply
    Sara
    January 17, 2018 at 7:59 pm

    This was incredibly well written and executed – way to go, Jordan! Thank you for your transparent honesty about engagements/marriages and for offering a very REAL perspective on this topic. It’s really important that people understand the seriousness of planning a wedding, especially since it’s the compromise of TWO minds and hearts, not one.

    My husband and I are both strong believers in Christ, and our secret to enjoying our eight-month engagement was to view our wedding day as a platform to share our faith. To not only share with our friends and family the love we have for each other but also to share the love we have for Jesus. Why not make the biggest day of our lives contribute to our call of the Great Commission? Looking forward to our big day with that in mind helped us to humbly and selflessly approach each element with intentionality and purpose.

    Hope this helps y’all enjoy the last half of your engagement! So excited for you both! xo

  • Reply
    Kate
    January 17, 2018 at 8:16 pm

    I had heard so many people say they just wanted to elope half way through the planning process and that it was so stressful but I really didn’t find it to be! I really enjoyed the engagement! From now through to your wedding day, you will experience SO MUCH LOVE from people, it’s truly overwhelming. Everyone is so nice and so thoughtful and doing amazing things for you like planning your bachelor/bachelorettes, showers, parties etc, giving you gifts, saying the most touching things in their speeches, offering to do things for you and help out where needed, etc. For me it was just totally overwhelming in the best of ways to experience such an outpouring of love! I hope the same happens for you!! (Of course there were plenty of challenging and stressful moments for us too – the venue being under construction, worrying about money, etc! But just don’t let the stress outshine the love!)

  • Reply
    Leslie Garza
    January 17, 2018 at 8:42 pm

    Jordan, you really outdid yourself! I’m not someone who is huge on quotes, but I love what you said when comparing expectations and inventory. I had to screenshot that. This blogpost really opened my eyes because I never thought engagement was a tough period of time for a couple. Hopefully this blogpost can keep me grounded and working towards the bigger picture when I get engaged.

  • Reply
    Madison
    January 17, 2018 at 8:45 pm

    Beautifully written. Bookmarking this to look back on for when I am in that stage of my life!

  • Reply
    Audra Davis
    January 17, 2018 at 8:48 pm

    This is a really interesting perspective! It definitely makes me reconsider the engagement period as well. Thanks for sharing, Jordan!

  • Reply
    Faith
    January 17, 2018 at 8:55 pm

    Uuuggghhhh this is so good! Thank you go sharing with us, Jordan! I love seeing you two navigating through life, trusting the Lord!

  • Reply
    Elizabeth R
    January 17, 2018 at 9:32 pm

    This was awesome Jordan! From someone 2 years into marriage I can honestly say that engagement was rough and my husband and I still look back at like YIKES! BUT it was a cool thing to see both of us slowly stop worrying so much about the comments and opinions of others, including our parents, and really drifting together and backing each other up on everything. I still think we mentioned/considered eloping once a month. We were engaged for a year and a half because we both had goals we wanted to reach before marriage to make us better for each other. #teamworkmakesdreamwork

  • Reply
    Ashleigh
    January 17, 2018 at 9:40 pm

    This post is a great read. Never really thought about engagement like that. Personally I’ve always thought a longer engagement was better just for planning purposes, but relationship-wise, that really makes so much sense. Thanks for sharing, Jordan.

  • Reply
    Grainne Kelly
    January 17, 2018 at 9:45 pm

    So on point, only recently my boyfriend (feel like we are too old and long together to use that word) and I spoke about marriage 6 years on and even so about him and I as a team financially, physically and mentally. In Ireland I find people shy so much away from talking so frankly especially about money and I just couldnt have that with my partner. I think a lot of what Jordan states is not just relevant to Engagement as I have no experience in that area but to the ins and outs of a longterm relationship. But really nicely put Jordan…. lovely to hear anothers mans perspective to a subject that is so much more commonly spoken about by women. Refreshing!!

  • Reply
    Brittany
    January 17, 2018 at 10:00 pm

    Need to have my fiancé read this. I have so much to learn from it too! Ughhh thank you for sharing! ???

    Brittany

    http://sincerelystyled.com

  • Reply
    Baylee Bolinger
    January 18, 2018 at 12:22 am

    ?? I knew i was going to make time to read this, just based on the engagement video. The amount of dedication it took to plan out something so special to start your journey, just shows how dedicated Jordan is to your new life together. It’s so refreshing to see such a young couple have so much wisdom, in all things Christian. I truly appreciate both of you being so real all the time.

  • Reply
    Amy
    January 18, 2018 at 12:40 am

    Great job! Thanks for the insight here. Recently engaged 🙂

  • Reply
    Lauren
    January 18, 2018 at 12:45 am

    I love this! My husband and I have been married a little over two years. I love looking back at our wedding pictures and remembering the day! However, this post is spot on! You could not pay me to go back to the engaged phase. I especially enjoy your thoughts on expectations. I think it is really important to keep those ideas in check and as you both change and grow. I will say that in the end, it was all worth it. I do not think that we will ever have a time again where all of the people we love, are in one space. What a beautiful moment. Best of luck to you both through this process!

  • Reply
    Olivia W
    January 18, 2018 at 12:56 am

    How beautifully written! Jordan is such an eloquent writer! I love everything about this post – I think it’s so important to recognize both the reality and God’s intended purpose for engagement. And such lovely pictures of you two, too! Can’t wait to see more beautiful posts from you and Jordan!

  • Reply
    Emily Clode
    January 18, 2018 at 1:00 am

    What an amazing post!!! Jordan you definitely should do more posts this one is amazing! It is honest, vulnerable and courageous and shows that you are fighting and prioritising embracing every season hard and easier and that is what is going to bring fruit and life to your marriage with Dani. Embracing the good and bad in every season in order to grow and develop as individuals and as a couple. Such wise words I loved it! X

  • Reply
    Allison
    January 18, 2018 at 1:22 am

    This post ROCKS!!

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    Mia
    January 18, 2018 at 2:32 am

    Woweee! Let me tell you how much I needed this. I just got engaged and it’s already been a little bit of this, but I am so grateful for this perspective and post. So glad you touched on this perspective of engagement. While I am enjoying it since it’s still new and exciting, I definitely am more ready now for the REAL stuff.

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    Monica Kharoufeh
    January 18, 2018 at 2:53 am

    LOVE LOVE LOVE this!!!!! 🙂 Really well written, Jordan!

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    Monica
    January 18, 2018 at 2:54 am

    LOVE LOVE LOVE this!!!!! 🙂 Really well written, Jordan!

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    Devon Aragona
    January 18, 2018 at 3:02 am

    So well said, so sweet, and so insightful. Jordan, this was so helpful and provided things that I never even thought about. I’m not engaged but I hope to be some day. Some of it was actually just solid relationship advice. THANK YOU BOTH for sharing.

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    Chloe
    January 18, 2018 at 3:26 am

    Absolutely beautiful post. I want more!

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    Ashley
    January 18, 2018 at 3:59 am

    Wow! This gave me goosebumps and tears….so true! Jordan is sure a keeper and I have that you guys are waiting to be intimate till marriage. I did too and I felt like I was the only one in the world that did. It really speaks to your faith and devotion to each other! Thank you for sharing these insights with us!

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    Maura Griesse
    January 18, 2018 at 4:47 am

    Engagement does SUCK. You guys are the bomb and, Jordan, you took the words right out of my mouth. Seriously. All of the things. So proud of y’all. Sweet blessings are coming your way in marriage for tackling all this crap before hand.

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    Allison K
    January 18, 2018 at 4:58 am

    My husband and I got married a year ago and I 100% agreewith everything in this post. We were engaged for almost a year and half for different reasons (finishing school, military training, moving to a new state, etc.) and that time was definitely the hardest year and half in both of our lives. We fought, we argued, but learned to comprise, learned to value one another, learned to listen, learned to share. Now we’ve been happily married for what has been the best year yet and it’s thanks to the lessons we learned during our long engagement. Carry on and know that a love-filled, godly marriage is worth all of the difficulties that engagement brings in the end!

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    Natalie
    January 18, 2018 at 5:59 am

    I loveeee this post, Jordan! I love Dani’s blog posts but it’s refreshing to hear a guy’s perspective on marriage and engagement since it’s usually always the bride in the main spotlight (which I’m not arguing with)! It’s very real and easy to relate to. Can’t wait to read more!

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    Veronica
    January 18, 2018 at 6:09 am

    This was so precious and well written! I’d love to hear more from Jordan! My husband and I eloped because we wanted to live together ASAP and we now wish we would have taken the process of becoming one more slowly. We have a wonderful life together but we had to build a foundation while trying to figure out how to live with one another. You guys are building that strong foundation now! The wait will be so worth it and like you said you both are becoming stronger together. I’m so happy that you two share your journey. I’m wishing you both a lifetime of more love and laughter than you can even imagine. ❤️❤️

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    Britney Crawley
    January 18, 2018 at 3:24 pm

    Engagement definitely comes with some challenges. It’s good to look at it as one of God’s seasons to prepare you both for the gift of marriage. I remember wanting to rush that time too. BUT, I can now look back on that time and I sort of miss it. Try to enjoy what you can for the next few months and focus on preparing your hearts for marriage. Congratulations to you both- before you know it you’ll be celebrating your first wedding anniversary. It all goes by so fast!

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    Sarah
    January 18, 2018 at 4:13 pm

    Wow, really impressive. Jordan nailed it. I got married in the fall, and felt all those things during our 9 month engagement. Engagement is a messy beautiful learning process. Great post!

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    Sarah
    January 18, 2018 at 4:36 pm

    Y’all that is so good. I got married last may 6 days before y’alls date!!! (So excited for you!)
    It is pretty crazy how sanctifying engagement is. It’s an awesome process of God prepping us for what is to come. The daily laying down of yourself. What a gift to have a man who will lead, guide, protect, cherish and serve in this relationship!! Makes it all the more easy for us girls to do the same. I’m beyond blessed that my husband does this daily. ALSO! Jordan my husband is so similar to you in a lot of areas! The finances and spending money on stuff that seemed to not matter..he could hardly even comprehend it. After talking through the purposes of stuff and legitimately talking about eloping..he came to the conclusion and said “I’m like a fruit, I cantaloupe” lol. The way we decided to look at our wedding as we prepared for it was that we get to have a ceremony where the gospel will be proclaimed and prayerfully people’s affections will be stirred towards following God.
    This sweet proverb my husband reminds me of a lot which came to mind as I’m reading y’all story – “He who finds a wife finds a good thing and obtains favor from the Lord.” Proverbs 18:22. The season of waiting can be tough like y’all said, but I mean it is SO worth it. The boundaries y’all have set, the expectations you’re working through, the open communication you get to have and the constantly assuming the best and being on the same team is amazing and sets up marriage so well. Marriage is the sweetest gift (apart from salvation) that I have ever received!!!! It is so fun I’m obsessed with it!!!! Funny because I really don’t know y’all and even feel kind of silly typing to a friend I’ve never met, regardless I will be praying for y’alls engagement and future marriage! Thank you for using the platform He’s given you to redeem culture!!!

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    Baley
    January 18, 2018 at 5:16 pm

    Wow. This really surprised me because, no offense, but most people can’t get that deep within themselves to find who they really are and what they really want and need. Jordan, you were so open nd honest, the first thing I want to say is THANK YOU! I can’t tell you how many women and men that are in a relationship need to hear this! I know your focus was engagement, but I think that you could also apply your writing to relationships in general. You really opened my eyes to see some of the flaws that exist in my relationship that could be fixed with no expectation and with more gratitude. Thank you Jordan, you have made my day with this post! I want to hear more!

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    Melanie
    January 18, 2018 at 8:19 pm

    thank you so much for this! i got engaged 3 months ago (and have 3 months to go!) and this season of waiting is definitely hard. there will be a lot of changes that come with marriage, and we’re both so looking forward to them. I’m trying to be patient during this time, and also enjoy the things I have now (like living alone and spending all my free time however I want!). can’t wait to hear more from you guys about your relationship and marriage!

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    Emma
    January 19, 2018 at 4:00 am

    So well written, Jordan! You’re going to be such an amazing husband to Dani! Maybe she should have you guest write more often 😉

    Emma | Seeking the South

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    Naomi
    January 29, 2018 at 10:42 pm

    You’ve probably already heard but there’s a song by KB called “battle field (open letter)” and this post reminded me of the 2nd verse.

    Maybe you’ll find it encouraging that many men of faith (and women) go through the same feelings and that your not alone.

    Side note: thE song is pretty dope too.
    Praying for you guys and wishing you all the best.

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    Megan
    February 19, 2018 at 4:48 pm

    This post is so real and I love that! I personally am not yet engaged or married so this really opened my eyes. Thanks for the very well-written post! You two are so cute together!

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