Fashion Things I Wish a Sister Taught Me

Christian Dating Advice

dani austin Christian dating advice

Ahh.

The Christian Blog Post is finally here…

When you’re dating with the intention of marriage, sometimes you have to put the idea of your ‘perfect man’ aside and ask yourself what’s God’s ‘perfect man’ for me? I was convinced I had a certain ‘type’ but since the day I fell in love with Jordan, there’s no doubt in my mind that he is the one. I’ve never respected a man’s character, ambitions, and heart this much before. Mutual interests, attraction, and chemistry are important but ultimately, man chasing God is my type.

DANI AUSTIN Christian DATING Advice-1 Dani Austin Seattle-5   Dani Austin Seattle-3 Dani Austin Seattle-2DANI AUSTIN Christian DATING Advice-1

Photo Credit: Jessica Whitaker 

There is a lot of hoopla out there on Christian dating advice. Some of it is biblical, some of it is cultural, and other bits of it I don’t know where it actually came from. I wanted to try and break down what I believe to be both practical and applicable. Now, I want you all to know that I am speaking very authentically here. I am not an expert but I can always promise that I am going to be real with you about what I feel I have learned over the past couple years.

COMMUNICATE INTENTIONS.  Picture this. On my first date with Jordan (aka some rando guy I had never met before), he picks me up. Before we even make it to the restaurant Jordan says to me, “I wanted to ask you on a date because I could see you as my wife.” To be honest,  I didn’t freak out or anything. In fact, I respected his courage and appreciated him telling me his intentions but I was a senior in college nearing graduation and had no intentions of marrying this rando. Fact of the matter was, a free meal that night was better than my frozen Lean Cuisine in my fridge, so I played along. God had a different plan for me (us). First, I fell in love with Hazel, Jordan’s mini golden retriever, and not longer after, I fell in love with Jordan.

Falling in love with Jordan was pretty easy because I knew where he stood. He was in it for the long haul and I didn’t have to worry about some dude who just wanted to have a good time or didn’t take me seriously. If your intentions are nothing serious at the time then that’s okay! But that also may mean that you aren’t ready to be in a relationship. I believe that in dating where feelings get hurt and character is jeopardized is when intentions are left unclear. Jordan pursued me because he knew what his intentions and desires were. He was clear. It left me to decide if I wanted to play a game or get to know him better. Clear intentions are so attractive in a man but are also equally important for a woman to express too.

BE INDEPENDENT. When I first started dating Jordan, I told him I didn’t want to go to church together or pray together. Initially, this was my way of guarding my heart and focusing my attention on seeking God above all else. It can be really easy to be motivated to go to church or pray because of a boy. As we really dive into a relationship with God, it’s important to stay focused. I had girlfriends that lost it when they broke up with their boyfriends because they felt like they were losing a part of their relationship with God. I prayed and attended church with my girlfriends because I knew these ladies would be there at the end of the day. As Jordan and I grew more intimate in our relationship and shared our intentions of marrying each other one day, things did change

It’s important for each of us to always seek God’s will for our lives. Until marriage you are independent of another. Until I am engaged, I won’t make my plans the same as Jordan’s. The first year we dated, I didn’t know if we were going to get married so I kept with the plans I knew the Lord had for me. I didn’t change my degree to match Jordan’s and I didn’t start planning on living where he was. I didn’t plan my life around him but around what I knew God had for me at that moment in my life. Codependency is real and there are so many ways we can protect ourselves from this. Being guarded and being independent are two different things. Allow your heart to feel, love, and be loved. But keep a part of you that is completely yours and in due time that independence will foster maturity in you individually and your relationship.

DATING A NON-BELIEVER. I don’t label guys as “christian” or “Non-Christian.” Rarely will you hear me say, “Is he a Christian?” because labeling someone’s religious affiliation is not what gives me the okay to date someone. I am sure there are a lot of Christians out there that don’t live a life of obedience or a life like God has called us to live. Instead, I ask myself, is this man chasing after God faster than he is chasing after anything else? Is this man able to lead me in a relationship where we serve God above ourselves every day? Does this man love God more than he loves me?

What kind of relationship do you want with God? Do you want to be obedient in prayer and service? Do you want to trust God with your life? Do you want to worship God with all your heart? Then ask yourself, is the man I am dating going to help me get there?

Following Christ is one of the most important decisions of your life and it’s so important to choose a spouse who will challenge you and support you in that relationship. The Bible is pretty clear when it comes to this topic. This isn’t to say that unbelievers can’t be good people and of course, you never know what plans God has for their lives, but I am saying I’d discourage you from dating someone who isn’t on the same spiritual foundation as you. It’s going to mess you up, confuse your heart, and potentially smother your soul.

And ladies. If you are hoping to be the “one” who changes a boy’s heart and encourages him to chase after God. I won’t sit here and tell you that’s impossible (because God can do anything) but I want you to think about what God wants for you in a relationship right now. Dating someone that does not have the same values as you and surrounding yourself with someone who isn’t able to hold you accountable usually means they cause you stumble. It’s okay to protect yourself from this and ultimately, you won’t be able to change someone, only God can.

We are holistic beings, and in order to truly connect, we must find someone with whom we can connect with on every level.

SET BOUNDARIES. Ladies, you deserve to be with a man who chases after God so hard that he is willing to set boundaries with you to avoid sexual sin. Communicate these boundaries and just don’t go there! What works is being in public, avoiding time alone with just the two of you,  and not putting yourself in temping situations. I think singles have a tendency to think more highly of their own self-control than they should. So, I think dating in groups, or dating in public, is important. The longer that you are dating, the harder that this will get. It is something that culturally is becoming more relaxed. However, the Lord is very clear that this is a sin that will blur the clarity of your relationship with Him.

  

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15 Comments

  • Reply
    Carly
    August 8, 2017 at 4:40 pm

    I needed this post. Wonderful as always, Dani!

  • Reply
    Kate
    August 8, 2017 at 8:33 pm

    Your such a good role model. I watched Jessica’s video of her taking these photos
    Kate
    http://www.katekoutures.com

  • Reply
    Olivia
    August 8, 2017 at 9:00 pm

    As a single Christian woman I follow many of these guidelines. Sometimes it is really hard and even lonely, but I know that patience is a virtue and in time I will find a man that loves God and will lead me to Heaven.

  • Reply
    Leila
    August 9, 2017 at 1:38 am

    I usually enjoy your posts but this one is full of spelling errors and doesn’t come across as something you put an effort into. I wish you would focus on this type of content as much as you focus on Nordstrom anniversary sales. You are capable of something better than this

    • Reply
      Maria
      August 9, 2017 at 7:04 pm

      It was such a beautifully written post that I didn’t even notice any spelling errors. If there were, is the outside more important that the words and truths coming out of Dani’s heart?

  • Reply
    Allison
    August 9, 2017 at 1:47 am

    Thank you for this! I definitely needed it. My boyfriend and I recently have been going through an issue in which God hasn’t been the center of our relationship. He has been a Christian his whole life and I am making my way, learning, and growing my own brand new relationship with God. It has been a rough couple of weeks knowing we may not end up together. This post came at the right time. It help me understand him more and understand more of the spiritual independence I should have. Thank you !!!!!

  • Reply
    Maggie
    August 9, 2017 at 1:59 am

    YESSSS!!!! This is exactly what I needed. This is so muc truth that doesnt get heard in this modern age. So often I feel that I’m the only one with Christian morals/values and it is beyond uplifting to hear that there are people out there who value those things. You’re trust in the Lord is so admirable. Thank you for what you do.

  • Reply
    Alexis Waite
    August 9, 2017 at 3:22 am

    I’ve heard so many Christians discuss this topic before, but I feel you approached it in the best way! It’s amazing that this was just thrown together because it communicates BEAUTIFULLY.

  • Reply
    Joy
    August 9, 2017 at 3:29 am

    Wow, I love this and you!!! So much truth!

  • Reply
    Rebecca
    August 12, 2017 at 3:28 am

    Love this article! This so true it so easy to compromise on what we know God has lead us to live. Great reminder 🙂
    https://beccaandrea.com

  • Reply
    Anna
    August 17, 2017 at 9:12 am

    Reading this post really feels like an advice of a loving sister. Thank you Dani, for being so honest, you help me and many other girls much more than you think ♡

  • Reply
    Katie
    August 17, 2017 at 10:17 pm

    I can’t thank you enough for sharing this post. I’m a single lady myself and totally struggling with dating right now. It’s hard to be patient, but I’m hopeful! So grateful for your post and reminders.

  • Reply
    Sydney
    August 18, 2017 at 4:36 pm

    Such a great post!

  • Reply
    N
    August 25, 2017 at 6:04 pm

    Dani,
    I’ve gone through a lot of dating articles prior to dating my boyfriend, and this is by far one of the most beautifully written & heartfelt articles I’ve read! Thank you for speaking from experience and sharing this with us! Relationships can be difficult at times, but nothing can go wrong if you let God be the captain of your lives.

  • Reply
    Olivia
    September 18, 2017 at 5:38 pm

    I just loved this Dani! Such a great reminder in a time where dating is getting more casual and believers are starting to take their relationships with God less seriously. Your posts are always such a great read! For anyone who’s looking for more great reads, I definitely suggest Matt Chandler’s “The Mingling of Souls”…eagerly awaiting my copy of Ben Stuart’s “Single, Dating, Engaged, Married” too! Thank you for always using your platform to be such a light to young women everywhere!

    Xx,
    Olivia

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